Things I Make


I make and sell distinctive impact toys made from wood, leather, and carbon fiber.  If you want to hit anyone with something hard, I’ve got at least one or two things worth investigating.





Paddles – I make three types of paddles, single thickness, laminated, and curved.  The single thickness ones are very light, and generally around an eighth of an inch thick.


Laminated Paddles – These thick paddles combine a variety of woods to keep them light, and make them in a wide variety of sizes.  They range in thickness from 3/8 to 5/8 of an inch.  Using proven construction techniques from Markher bats, they are extremely strong.  These paddles are very stiff, and quite difficult to break.



Curved Paddles – I’ve recently started to make curved paddles using the same laminating technique I developed for Markher bats and laminated paddles.


Matched Sets – These sets usually consist of a pair of paddles, a cudgel, a devil pop, a butt hammer, and three canes.  This set is made from an amazing piece of zircote.


Wee bats – These are smaller impact toys, usually 12 to 18 inches long, a bit over an eighth of an inch thick, and between 1/2 and 3/4 of an inch wide.  Many of these are cut from more exotic woods than my paddles.  They are easy to conceal, have an innocuous appearance.  They are very good for impact play and body drumming.  The flat side is stingy, the edge is thuddy.


Markher bats (pronounced like marker) – So named for a local person who inspired me to make these lightweight sticks.  They are a lamination of something exotic on the outside, and a lighter, but still strong wood on the inside.  They tend to be light for their size, work quite well.  In Cincinnati they are known as Sunshine Sticks.  This was the first item I offered as unbreakable.



Curved Markher Bats – The name says it all, they snug right around the ass.  The upper photo is of a commissioned piece I did for a friend.  It is a bit over 31 inches long, made from bloodwood, maple, rosewood, basswood, and ebony.


Four by Four Sticks – These rather large sticks vary from about 3/4 of an inch square to a bit over an inch.  They are fairly light, very strong, and look amazing.  Each one is hand made from at least 16 pieces of wood carefully cut, glued, cut again, aligned accurately, and finally glued once more before sanding and finishing.  I find them to be very thuddy when used lightly.


Cudgels – These are something I made one of a few years ago that sold at the first event where I displayed it.  After a couple of friends broke their paddles, I decided to make more, as cudgels are much harder to break.  They are fairly heavy, and when used properly can be quite thuddy.  They are also rather intimidating.



Loopy bats – It turns out that microphone cable with copper conductors is amazingly good for impact play.  For their weight, these pack more punch than anything else I make.  The cable comes in 10 colors (see the lower photo).  I am able to make you a custom Loopy Bat at events with the finished item ready in about 2 minutes.  The O-ring on the cable allows you to adjust the size of the loop for interesting effects.


Canes – I have 3 different types of canes, stainless steel, fiberglass, and carbon fiber.  Each has it’s own feel.  The fiberglass is very whippy, and I cover it with shrink tubing to contain any loose fibers.


Lignum Vitae Paddles – I made the first one of these at the request of a friend.  I liked it so much I am including them in my line.  They are cut from one of the densest, hardest woods in the world, and carefully shaped with one side curved and the other side flat.  This wood has a totally unique grain, smells lovely, and requires no finish.  The oils and resins in the wood itself are sufficient to provide a soft sheen.


Wicked Sticks – These are well known in the kink community and go by a variety of names.  Around here, they are wicked sticks.  The handles are either made from reclaimed rifle stock material, or small pieces of wood that I have in my shop.  Pictured are 3 reclaimed rifle stock handles and one ebony handle.


Devil Pops  –  Another very ouchy toy, with a handle on one end, and a small shaped block on the other end.  The block has a rounded and a flat side and an edge, each offering different impact sensation.  Connecting them is a carbon fiber rod that is very strong.  These are quite effective for deep tissue impact.


Double Devil Pops  –  Twice as long as a regular Devil Pop it is designed to share the love and hit both cheeks at once.


Drunken Devil Pops  –  These feature a flexible link between the handle and the pop for extra impact.


Butt Hammers  –  This was created to make a very thuddy impact on soft tissue.  The design actually has three different impacts ranging from thuddy to moderately stingy.


Pocket Pokers  –  These little items are designed to poke and prod pressure points.  They also do a nice job of simulating knife play.


Cloud Floggers –  A friend of mine is a local leather worker.  She and I have been wanting to do a project together, and finally settled on these floggers.  They are very soft and fluffy, and deliver a delicate blow that that sort of feels like a thick cloud.  I firmly believe that you can hit someone as hard as your are able to and yet not inflict any significant pain.

Thumpers – This is one of the thuddiest things I have ever made.  It is leather rolled around a center core, it has a good thud with a stingy finish.  They are very popular.




Laser Engraving – I now have access to a laser engraver, and can print anything onto a paddle.  Because I want the paddle to be strong, I limit engraving to my unbreakable paddles.

20 Responses to Things I Make

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  2. Marianne says:

    i bought a Devil’s Pop at GKE, and would like to credit it on Fetlife. Hope that is ok???? marianne aka friday

  3. LadyVanessa says:

    How does one go about purchasing one of your toys?


    • Mister Malaprop Design says:

      Hello LadyVanessa,

      Thank you for your inquiry.

      The best way is to be at an event where I am vending. Alternately, if you are nearby, swing by the house. However, I can also work with you over a long distance. Let me know what you are interested in, I will photograph what I have in stock in high resolution, and send the photo(s) to you. You choose something, pay by paypal, and I mail it to you. Some day I’ll get my etsy store worked out, but it is a huge hassle as every single piece I do is unique.

      Over the Christmas-New Years time I am a bit busy with family stuff, but will respond as quickly as I can.


    • Mister Malaprop Design says:

      Hello again LadyVanessa,

      You may want to look at my schedule here, I have a number of events I am scheduled to vend at around the East and Midwest. I hope to see you somewhere.


  4. sam says:

    I purchased a lignum vitae paddle as well as a devil pop. I cannot speak highly enough of their quality and effectiveness. They are the stars of my toy collection. I look forward to adding to my collection.

  5. John Birdsell says:

    I have to say I have over 50 paddles and your one I bought in GLLA is by far my favorite. It is lightweight, beautiful, and VERY functional. Although I need another paddle like a hole in the head I am going to order a custom laser engraved one. As time goes on I gift the early first paddles and I bought them more for looks and gravitate towards ones like your which combine elegance and functionality. An the thumper I purchased is Great also.

    Thank you

  6. ab says:

    I am interested in acquiring one of your lignum vitae paddles, please send me an email as to the details and pay pal info on purchasing, they look gorgeous! Thank you!

    • Mister Malaprop Design says:


      I should be making a number of them over the weekend and early next week. I can send you a photo to choose from, then get payment through paypal.

  7. Reina says:

    Is the loopy Johnny a product I can purchase online? A friend just bought one from you at a spanking party and I really liked it.

    Thank you!

    • Mister Malaprop Design says:

      Hi, yes you can purchase one online. They are $35.00 with shipping. Just let me know which color you like and I will whip one up for you with a handle that goes well with it. My outside email is

  8. Daisy says:

    Hi Mr. Malaprop,
    I have had the privilege of browsing your wares at KK a couple of times. At KK Homecoming 2014 I, regretfully, did not purchase a fluffy / thuddy flogger that you had. I think it was called a Cloud Thumper. I have regretted that decision ever since. Do you still make something like this?

    • Mister Malaprop Design says:

      Hello Daisy,

      I’d love to get you a fluffy flogger, unfortunately my leather worker has been out of touch for a couple of months. She has all my sheepskin, and is now living in Alaska. I’ll let you know when she gets back in touch.


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